Proof that cloning of semi-inanimate biological entities exists!

After waking up hours after I should have, I decided that I must have the newest object of my desire, the Sony Ericsson W800i ... and today, I might add. SO I set out, determined to purchase what appeared to be the lowest-priced brand new W800i in the Kuala Lumpur area, but my desires were arrested by the last unit being sold to someone else, most like a chapat. While at this store, I met an unusually animated and chirpy chapat, by the name of ... ummm ... I'll get back to you on that one. Well anyways, he was one of those guys who are full of hot air; going on about this business and that, with a more-than-implied "been there, done that" attitude towards business. Initially I thought he might be of some benefit to me, perhaps being able to provide me with contacts to open a small business here, but as time went on, I saw that this may not really be possible. I'd love to say I deduced this on the basis of keen intellect and intense observation, but I'd be lying and have to attribute it to his worn-out chappals, his stained and wrinkled t-shirt, his absolutely ghetto Malaysian motorbike and ghetto house. Yes, I somehow ended up at his house in Subang Jaya. He left me with his business card, and some visions of a warehouse in Puchong containing gussied-up Chinese cooking utensils that will apparently set the world on its side. He also thought Canada was a prime destination for said Chinese utensils. I carried on to MINES, as I've bought many phones there at prices that are a little lower than average, but found that the W800i was really expensive compared to the last place I went to. By how much, you say? More than 300 ringgit! Fuck that, eh? We hadn't eaten all day so we dropped a couple of floors down to Nando's, a place we usually like to dine. Today though, the chicken was not the greatest. It seemed like it had been cooked earlier, and had been just warmed over for us. It wasn't BAD, mind you. It just didn't have all the succellent juiciness and tenderness of a fresh-off-the-grill piece. It sufficed however, the caesar salad did not. What pathetic excuse for a salad is that shit? The (not even Romaine lettuce) leaves were literally swimming in an ocean of dressing, itself so strong as to absolutely eliminate any possibility of other tastes. Fuck that too. As I was bitching about the salad, I noticed a peculiar individual sitting not too far away from me, and it quickly dawned on me that this guy was the Malay twin of Gautam Varma, otherwise known as GUTWA to many! The similarities are uncanny, and even his body language and mannerisms were similar. Take a look at the picture, and see if you can see it. For those of you that do know him, I'm sure you're in stiches right now. Hell, I still am! Of all the people in the world you never thought you'd see a twin of, or even an individual with a passing resemblance, this would be the guy.

The Impossible Has Happened...

Indian movies hit bedrock some time back. But now, they've gone straight through the core of the earth, through that stupid Russian "sounds from hell" place, and broken through on the other side. Typically thought to be China, new satellite footage from Nasa has revealed that its actually Upper Mongolia! (Link ... http://www.nasa.gov/7tstarsat/imagery/new/indianmovies/drilling/otherside/satimage.jpg)
As many of us know, Indian movies are extremely poor quality, filthy pieces of shit that can barely pass for an actual movie. This wasn't always the case, because when the industry was being created, many of the actors came from theater and actually possessed real talent. This of course also goes for creative scriptwriters and directors and all. Over time, however, this industry kept degrading itself further and further to appeal more to the Indian masses. That there, ladies and gents, are the keywords "INDIAN masses." Looking back, say, into the 50s and 60s, there was an abundance of quality filmmaking (at least far more so than today), which proceeded to a focus on action-thriller type movies with romance thrown in for good measure in the 70s, the Amitabh Bachchan age. The Indian public liked, and got used to being entertained in a larger-than-life way, and the 80s brought about fairytale love stories, so-called "chocolate heroes" and the like. Anil Kapoor, Jackie Shroff and all that made up this era. Remember ek do teen? At this point, Indian filmmakers started relying on the "formula." This would include hiring popular actors and actresses, pairing them against popular or controversial people, and fusing this with a storyline that wouldn't deviate very far from Shakespeare's "Romeo and Juliet" (a TRUE masterpiece, if there ever was one). Immensely superstitious producers and directors started believed that the names, or at least the first initials of the actor, actress, or movie title had something to do with their success, and so the age of Madhuri, Mahima (whose real name is actually Renu, but was changed because Subhash Ghai believed that the letter "M" will bring success) and the K's ... we all know Kuch Kuch Hota Hai, Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gham, and of course, all the TV shows ... KKusum (2 K's !!!), Kyon Ki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi, Kahin Diya Jale Kahin Jiya, Kutumb, Kamal, Kehta Hai Dil, Kalash, Kohinoor, Khidchi, and of course KOUN BANEGA CROREPATI (and KBC TWOOOO). In this age known as the 90s, filmmakers (if we can call them that) tried to change the formula a little here and there, but it was basically the same. After DDLJ, the formula changed a little to feel-good type movies, and continued on for an unusually long time. This unusually long time that I speak of is common throughout these Indian movies generations that I have mentioned. It is the period is which the formula starts failing over time, and must be reinvented to keep the industry alive. Only this time, the invention has gone wrong. Filmmakers have long known that the Indian audience, of course dominated by men, is a particularly horny one, and as such, has tried to appeal to the Indian phallus in many ways. We all know that women in Indian movies barely play a part other than to provide phallic stimulation. The one or two times they do, like in Kaun or other Urmila movies, they are used as a marketing ploy - "Come look at my movie! I have dared to be different yaar!" (in a heavy Indian accent of course). Like shown in "Bollywood Calling," a particularly good movie that sheds light on this industry, most actors LOVE to say "this movie is umm ... really different. I have played a very different role in this movie." So whats all this come to now? In more and more movies, directors are trying to push the limit of acceptable by the Indian censor board in an attempt to appeal to those Indian masses we talked about earlier. A number of directors are lobbying for nudity in movies in the 21st century, and they might just get it. What will happen then? Will Indian movies turn into full-blown porn? I think that India, like so many other countries, needs to face the music, and realize that it is a nation of horny ass men! Legalize porn, strip clubs and the like, increase literacy, and keep Bollywood separate from the porn industry, cuz its morphing into one at an alarming rate.
I find it both interesting and surprising that people of Indian/Paki/other Desi countries - origin in my country, Canada, and abroad (excluding India) like Indian movies. As should be obvious, Indian movies are geared for the Indian masses, otherwise known as TAPORIs. They don't care about crappy acting, screenplay, direction or anything like that. They just count on entertainment value, which I'll admit, is extant in some movies, but usually not. Its also true that whats entertaining to one group of individuals may not be to another. How many of you guys actually understand those lame jokes in so-called comedy (Indian) movies? Does anyone actually know what a ration card is? TAPORIs can't tell when the "hero" takes off in a 747-400 and lands in a short-range 737-400(designed for short flights , a LOT smaller, VERY different looking) 13 hours later. Nor can they tell when they drive off in a Ferrari F360 and show up in a Miata (just cuz its red), and producers and directors know this! Relatively poor individuals love the idea of escapism and an air-conditioned/heated theater to get away from the daily grind, which might I add, is much worse than the rest of us are used to. You guys in Brampton are complaining about your transit system, try a fucking rickshaw to work! You guys working at Gemma Communications are bitching about the 12 dollar an hour pay? Thats literally a month's earnings to a farmer in UP, Bihar and Bengal! Everyone's talking about the new face of India, the economy boom, Bangalore and greater actual GDP growth than China, but don't forget that India isn't industrialized just yet. India may have the second largest bank in the world, some exceptional educational institutes, booming business and more, but it also has the world's biggest slums, the biggest mafia in the world and the second-biggest sex trade in the world.

Bubbye O2, So Long N90, White Guy-Chapat Hybrids, and a bunch of tolls...

Yesterday I sold the PDA-phone I had been using for some time, The O2 XDA II Mini. I don't know exactly why I did, it was basically to sell it at a relatively high price while I still could, and perhaps because I lost the SDIO wi-fi card and rendered its best app useless. The guy that had contacted me, was to my surprise, a Malay guy. Usually the guys that deal in tech gadgets are chapats, and it was something of a welcome relief to see someone else. I had expected that the guy, in true Malaysian style would whine and try to bargain further, even though we had already agreed upon the price. However, the guy turned out to be a true gentleman! He didn't create any issues about the product or the pricing! Awesome! Best sale of a used item, ever.
Today I had 2 out of 3 classes cancelled so I chilled at home mostly, but at some point decided to buy a Nokia N90. Absolute top-of-the-line phone, it usually sells for about RM 3000 or so, but I sourced one for about RM 2100. Pretty good deal, right? I went to see the item, and it was sound enough, with a beautifully crisp screen and fancy camera and all. However, there was something about the device that didn't quite win me over ... perhaps the size, perhaps the way it looks fragile, or maybe just its odd style. And it seems, that not only is the N90 a waste, but it has waste revolving all around it ... symbolically or metaphorically or whatever. To get to the place, I took a series of wrong turns, ended up in a different city, and in the process spent more than RM 40 of gas and RM 15 on tolls! Ughhh .... tolls ... they're not that much in absolute value, but they're so frequent that it can start to hurt.
I had my lunch at Subway today. While chomping away on my footlong seafood and crab on parmesan oregano sub, I noticed a white guy buying Milo drinks for his chapat (?) family. And it was at that point that I realized the commonality of this scenario. Has anyone noticed HOW MANY white guys there are in Malaysia who have married local chapats? And that they all look alike? They're all old, 50+, pot-bellied, somewhat tall and balding! Seriously! I started trying to remember how many examples of this I've seen other than Alan Downe and the guy in front of me, and I could actually come up with a few instances. Why do they do this? Is it because women in their home countries reject them, and refuse to bear their children? Or is it because they can't find decent jobs in their home countries and come to Malaysia to try and garner a little respect from suck-up locals? In any case, it seems they come here and try to start life anew ... but the question is ... why? (X-files soundtrack playing). Maybe 50-year old, fat, balding white guys are aliens who are trying to ... never mind.

More Tahini, Less Bandwidth...

I went to KL today to return that infernal wi-fi usb thingy. Actually, it wasn't the device's fault, but rather my router's, but I've gotta blame something that I can somehow remedy. Mysteriously enough, the chapat at the counter refunded my money without many questions. While at Low Yat, I managed to find the Logitech Rumblepad 2 for my girlfriend. She's been into N64 emulation like crazy lately, and she had wanted this for some time. Its actually really cool, just about identical to a PS2 controller with rumble and all. I can't use it for my FS2004 though, because it doesn't have a throttle. Still, the quality of construction, smooth analog joysticks, 10 buttons, ergonomic shape and the Logitech name which I have come to trust afford the gamepad an 8/10 on the scale.
I had an interesting habibi dinner tonight. I spotted this place called Al-Shami near the Ritz Carlton hotel, so i decided to check it out. I'm tired of Arab restaurants in Malaysia substituting mayonnaise for tahini amongst other nonsense, but to my surprise, I found that this wasn't the case here! We ordered some tabbuleh, hommos with meat (both are so yum) and 2 shawarma sandwiches. The shawarma sandwiches, although good thanks to a proportionally generous portion of meat and tahini, were overall so small that they basically looked like rotis rolled up. They had a diameter of, no joke, 1 inch! So naturally, more food was next. We ordered a couple of grilled meat platters, which were pretty good, but lacked that thoroughly flavoured quality typical of Arab grilled meats. No baklava, and a RM 93 bill afford Al-Shami no greater than 5/10 on my ratings scale.
My streamyx magically started working when I woke up to the call of the technician. Its incorrectly capped at half a megabit, something that is ULTRA common, and will take "24 to 48 hours to process" in the words of a highly-accented Malaysian employee of TMnet. Still, I'm overjoyed to see my bit torrent downloads flying at 52 KB/s, something which was only possible in "special" dreams with MYKRIS. Can't wait to see 104 KB/s!

more on uncapping ...

If anyone knows anything or anyone that has something to do with uncapping streamyx modems ... DO LET ME KNOW! And no, the connection isn't capped at the DSLAM, and no the connection is not limited to 2 megabits.

gotta uncap ma Streamyx!

I should be getting my DSL back tomorrow, and it should be a relief from this lackluster connection present freely in my condo. Still, I think its gonna be too slow, so I've scoured the net searching for methods to "uncap" my DSL modem. It turns out that its quite possible. I'm subscribing to a 1 megabit connection, but come on ... 1 megabit is hardly enough for someone who downloads as heavily as I do. Apparently my bit torrent downloads are gonna be at about 100 KB/s, but i want that to be near 180 KB/s. Methods I didn't find, but from what I've read, all I have to do is "motivate" the technician to uncap the modem to about 5 megabits! Lets see if this is true. I'm really trying not to get excited over it, but i can't help it! I know, I'm a computer geek AND A HALF!

PC Stuff

I made some computer changes today, by adding an additional 512 MB of RAM and attempting a wi-fi USB thingy connection. The RAM worked out fine, but the wi-fi thing ... holy shit ... it worked fine in the beginning, then started disconnecting me big time! I couldn't transfer anything from my girlfriend's PC without a disconnect! Turns out, it was the damn router. It seems I join thousands of people who also own Netgear routers that disconnect them all the time. I'm gonna go and try to return that (now) useless thingy tomorrow. On the plus side, the RAM now adds up to 1 GB and the difference is SO noticeable.
I now have the following configuration: a Shuttle XPC (you know, one of those "small form factor" PCs) containing a 2.4 GHz P4 running at 2.97 GHz, 1 GB of RAM @ 416 MHz, 200 GB HDD, 16x dual layer Sony DVD-RW, Radeon 9700 Pro "putting out" to a Dell 2405FPW 24" widescreen LCD. Sound is pumped through my THX, 400 watt Logitech Z-somethings.
With this setup, it was only natural that I buy a pirated CD of Windows XP Media Center Edition 2005, to sit back in my lazy boy and enjoy "media" with. It actually looks better than regular XP thanks a shiny looking interface, but the real deal is the Media Center app. With smooth, animated menu changes and a very cool looking way of accessing media from far away, it totally streamlines the movie-watching and music-listening experience.

First Blog EVAAAR!

I know its getting a little cliche (how do u put the damn accent on the end?), but I had to name the first blog "the first blog." Well what just happened was that I was sitting at my PC, frustrated about the the damn wi-fi (i'll explain another time) and I heard this humongously loud bang, followed by smoke and fire alarms. How often does that happen? Well ... to me ... never! Anyways, it turned out to be just a damn firecracker or something, so no action to report here. Other than those KAALA ANDAS on the floor above me without shirts. Like guy, seriously! Put a shirt on when ur that hairy! You'd think they'd realize that kind of thing on their own, anyway, but no. So why is it KAALA ANDAS sleep without their shirt? I have pondered this question, and if anyone knows the answer, please do share. I think I'm gonna adjust some settings with this blog thingmajig, so this is it for now.