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Made the mistake of watching "8 Shani" the other day. Seriously, like do these guys have ANY business OR creative sense at all? The film fucking fails on both counts! I mean, how can you fail on both? You can have movies that are stellar at the box office and suck in terms of substance, and you can have movies that are artsy and full of substance that fail at the box office. But what calibre of dumb fuck must a producer (and the whole unit for that matter) be to make shit like this? Here are just some thoughts of mine.

-The movie starts off and says verbatim "It is a work of fiction" as if it's talking about another piece of work. Splendid. I went in assuming it was an astonishing depiction of reality.

-The main guy, a typically fobby looking individual, is for some reason walking around in Matrixy clothing. Of course, everything looks knockoff and cheezy though. And its not a fashion scheme that is found throughout the movie or reflected in its surroundings like the Matrix either.

-The opening scene places the main guy at a fair in England, where he's just looking around until he sees an old man turn a corner. Apparently, this is bad and he chases the old man for quite some time. The old man is SUPPOSED to be a ghost/apparition/scary/Michael Jackson-like but he looks JUST LIKE any other person!

-If the point of view is from the main character's view, shouldn't he see something that distinguishes dead people from living ones? Otherwise how can he tell? And if the point of view is from the audience, then why can we see him at all? HE's the one who is supposed to be special and able to see dead people, not us.

-The entire spectacle at the fair was really about him losing his niece. They barely showed her! And then when he realized he lost her, he went home instead of looking for her!

-The white-guy cops speak with a wicked Indian accent. Charming.

-An apparition of a little boy is visiting the main character for some reason. Another person comes in, and the boy decides to leave, fluttering the curtains on the way out. The other person doesn't notice. How convenient.

-In these wicked movies, the main characters are so stunningly rich you wonder what you've done wrong all your life. This movie is no exception.

-There's an idiotic trend of shooting exterior shots at the real location (e.g. in England, in Southall) and interior shots in India. I can't even begin to tell you what's wrong with that, but I can start by telling you that they spelled Southall "South Hall" inside the Indian interior to the real Southall Police Station exterior.

-Fundamentally, there's something wrong when the main character goes into a church and talks about karma. For a guy who is supposed to be in the know, he doesn't seem to realize that Christianity doesn't include the ideas of karma, karmic retribution and rebirth.

-The church is obviously in India. How ... umm, multicultural.

-What's jokes about movies like this is the attention to detail, or lack thereof. Seriously, not even a little bit of thought goes into anything. All their clothes are straight off the rack, the crease lines are still visible!

-The cops enter the main character's house without a warrant. In many countries, this gives you the right to shoot them. But alas, in this movie, it means move aside, let them come and in and then suck up to them.

-The main character's friend at the library is trying to convince him that the world is powered by numbers and cites two examples of this as enough proof to convince him. She is under the impression that ALL tsunamis and related phenomenon happen on the 8th of the month. Since this idea forms the basis of the story, shouldn't someone have developed it just a little bit? I mean, a little believability can go a long way.

-The Southall-area library has Indian lights, India-like grills on the windows and barely any books on the wall. Very realistic setting!

-The 2006 Lexus IS350 sounds just like a '50s Ambassador. Don't get me started on this.

-The main character has a friend who lives in a castle or something. Judging by the signs on his "house," the building is actually a museum or something.

-The same castle-owning guy has a sister parading around the grounds in an ultra-slutty outfit for no reason in what seems like pretty cold weather. Its ok to have revealing dresses (nipples protruding at times) where the atmosphere is supposed to be scary and dark, but in sex/love scenes they have to be cut/censored and even the kisses are near-misses.

-Why the fuck are random people hanging around talking in the living room when the old man is on his deathbed?

-Of as high a caliber as the idea on which the movie is based, the concept of the main character's main supernatural-measurement device being an everyday compass is to say the least, absurd. The writers/producers (probably the same idiot) don't feel the need to explain this at all to the viewers.

-Why is the main characeter's friend like 20 years older than him? Who has like a 45-year old friend?

-The old man on his deathbed looks just fine. People with acting like that shouldn't be anywhere near the the fucking CITY where movies are shot.

-Dumb fuck main character enter's old guy's room and starts snapping pictures. The old guy is freaking out, but the main character doesn't feel the need to answer any of his questions.

-After visiting his friend's old man on his deathbed, the main character just says "is it alright if I go through your house?" What the fuck is that supposed to mean? Without any explanation or anything, I consider that to be a crazy-person comment. His friend then agrees!

-Who wears shoes in an English house?

-Inside the castle, the decor is exactly like the SET of an Indian hospital. How creative.

-Later on, main character pulls up the pictures he took of the old guy. Based on common ideas, I would have thought an apparition or at least orbs would have been visible. But no, not here. He sees the covers under which the old guy is lying MOVE on his computer screen. Can anyone explain to me how a common JPEG file can take on the properties of a video (with cheezy 3D effects) and then display right from Windows Picture and Fax Viewer?

-The castle-owning friend later decides to tell the main character off by saying that his money can buy the best doctors and "bring them here" in his helicopters and planes. Well firstly, duh ... money buys healthcare. Secondly, the main character is rich too! Thirdly, if you're not in England, chances are ... you'd take a plane to get there! Why does the dialogue of rich people in these movies reflect the dialogue of a person with newly acquired wealth? Like something the average poor Indian would love to say after coming into some cash?

-The main character deduces that there is a spirit haunting the old man, and the only way to get rid of it is a simple apology. I guess it wasn't important to show us how he knows who the spirit is and what the ideology being the apology is.

-No explanation is offered as to why the main character sees what he does. Just as well, why would you want to know structural details of the plot in a movie? Ridiculous concept, that.

-The main character at some point claims that he can see spirits 100s of years old. Why are they so rare then, only occassionally making appearances? Shouldn't he be able to see dino-ghosts as well then, since all the ghosts are present on earth?

-Mercedes S-class also sounds like a '50s Ambassador.

-Main character's friend at library reads really thin childish-looking books to draw her main (crazy) conclusions.

-Its only natural that all the chicks in the movie love the main character, right?

-when they step out into their garden in London, they actually step into a beautiful tropical paradise-looking garden, with swaying palm trees and all. Aw, just like London.

-Who the fuck covers their own ears when they scream?

-Who the fuck calls their sister "babe?"

-The main character is really disturbed about his ability to see dead people. Since that's the case, it really boggles the mind when we see him joking to his new girlfriend about seeing dead people. That makes no sense at all! He got kicked out of his house by his brother for his freaky side, the same one thats been bugging him since childhood, the same one that at times has caused him to consider suicide, and here he is JOKING that some people in a club are dead so that his girlfriend embarasses herself by checking. How realistic. I deal with all my fears in the same way too.

-The girl's ass is as wide as East London.

-Main character's brother's daughter is the worst child actor ever to come in front of a camera. The voice is not lip-synced and she speaks with a crazy Indian accent (presumably being born in Britain, this is impossible).

-According to the main character, you can't trust the weather in England. Ever heard of a forecast, buddy?

-Apparently the beach is RIGHT NEXT TO the London subway AND an inner-city park.

-Chick in red dress has stuffed her bra with either a 1982 Volvo GL or a 1976 Studebaker. The furthest tip of her bra sticks out approximately 8 inches!

-While (oh, its teatime, I shall say "whilst") walking through the park, every sound on the Indian sound guy's soundboard was used including but not limited to birds, cats, growls from lions, explosions, heavy breathing, sexy breathing, and of course 80s synthensis.

-The little girl sleeps on the same bed as her parents? Don't they ever fuck?

-The lights are fluctuating in the Indian interior of the British house always. Trustworthy Indian power supply I suppose. In England.

-In a dream, main guy's sister-in-law tries to poison her husband. However, even before he has drunk the poisoned tea his eyes are red and his skin has a very Indian powder coating. And there's a weird spotlight shining on him.

-Apparently if someone throws tea in your face, you'll have scarring and bleeding just as if it were acid.

-Lamps and things are supposed to be flying around the people, but you can see that they are suspended from a circular structure that is being rotated. And its better that way, lest we forget its a movie and freak out.

-The graphics of the spirits leaving the house is disturbing. Disturbing in that I have personally made better looking effects in my home videos.

-The guy says its "obvious" from the compass that supernatural entities exist. Almost fell onto the floor.

-"He is an evil." Actually rolling around on the floor over this.

-Main guy's monologue in the park has the shittiest lipsync ever (you'd think this industry would be perfect at this by now, lip-syncing regular dialogue and songs). Camera shakes as if Indian cameraman is having reactions to spicy curry eaten earlier.

-Nothing scary about woman in red dress, and nothing distinguishing other than her typically bad Indian acting.

-How come everyone is a FOB?

-Amongst all the hauntings, kicking-outings and generally freaky phenomenon, main character decides to fall in love and focus on that instead. He doesn't have place to live or shower, but he's IN LOVE. Yeah.

-The forests of London look strangely like the jungles of Mumbai.

-Woman in red dress dissapears with a really cool effect, a stop camera. I did this when I was in grade 7, where I had an object on my hand, stopped the camera, removed the object while keeping my hand stationary and then starting the camera again. Mine actually looked better!

-The main guy's GF is supposed to live in London, but they drive up to a house in a steamy, palm tree-infested setting. That must be South London, I guess.

-People are possessed, some have died, and these people find time to sex each other up.

-Do you really need to be naked for a seance? Being a straight guy, how can you NOT get a hardon when sitting next to a naked sexy chick?

-Conviently enough, guy's GF walks in on above-described seance.

-Who keeps saying "8" in a deep voice? The dictionaries should include this specific reference in their definition of cheese.

-Why do they refer to a chateau, or a cottage as a "farmhouse?" You might as well break out the dal and spill it over everything.

-When they go to the African psychic about the possession case, why are dolls floating around? Is supernatural stuff really that common? Man, I must really be dumb to miss it.

-The woman in the red dress, is a spirit, but can't walk through gates, walls or doors. She has to wait for them to open.

-Horses running around is now supernatural phenomena.

-There's a scene when a chick gets possessed and tries to strangle another. During this, why is EVERYONE's voice echoing?

-People flying around (being pushed around by spirits) is wicked ridiculous. A person hits a window, the window breaks, and they bounce FORWARD from this.

-The spirit of the woman is supposed to be on fire, but you can see its a fat, balding stuntman instead.

-Apparently all of the supernatural phenomena could have been stopped with a simple "sorry."

Over the course of the movie, the guy's abilities are of no advantage to anybody. He doesn't actually help in any way. Its amazing how people can invest in such filth but not in more innovative business projects.